March 17, 2002

Story: The customs agent and the Gramma Bag. As we arrived at the airport in San Jose, Costa Rica, an official took one look at the computer scanner box we were carrying. He waved us over to the special customs baggage-checking area. There a grim-faced female customs agent checked through every corner of every piece of luggage of the four people ahead of us. She was looking for contraband items, like agricultural products that might bring diseases into the country, or for electronic gear that we might try to sell without paying proper duties. It came our turn with our five pieces, including that carton shouting to the world, "scanner."

Ruth was carrying with her a large, black purse. One face of this special purse contains nine transparent holders for photos. These Ruth has filled with irresistible pictures of our grandchildren. We put this Gramma Bag on top of all our other luggage on the conveyor belt.

The customs agent took one look at the photos and cooed the adoring "Ohhh" that comes as a reflex over most women. "¿Nietos?" ("Grandchildren?") "Sí," promptly answered the proud grandmother. She named each one as she pointed to them. More smiles and adoration. Then the agent cheerfully waved us through without needing to check any other pieces of our luggage.

Please recognize that this was not airline security personnel being lax to check for bombs or weapons. It was Customs officials checking selected passengers for items that might conflict with commercial regulations. We had declared our scanner "gift" on a written form.

Now there is a bit of theology here. The Christian faith teaches that it is possible for each of us to identify intimately with Jesus Christ, in much the same way Ruth has identified with her beloved grandchildren. Then, when God the Father rightfully examines the baggage of our lives, He sees it all covered prominently with the likeness of Jesus. God has a special place in His heart for Jesus, His own dear Son. Any of us who identifies with Him does not need to have the rest of our baggage checked.

That is a story we have come here to tell. We have loved doing so. We head for home Tuesday, March 19.

Dennis & Ruth Gibson, San Jose, Costa Rica

March 15, 2002

We solved the riddle! I had puzzled over the disappointing decrease in numbers and enthusiasm of the audience for our Vitality Therapy Seminar each evening this week. My teaching seemed to me to be at least as cogent and concise as ever. Well, Ruth came up with the insight. She recognized that the questions students asked us after each meeting and during each break Monday through Wednesday were personal ones, about their own family situations. "My husband's family has never accepted me. What can I do?" They were not here to learn how to counsel someone else who has problems.

We shifted gears Thursday night from teaching counseling into teaching Family Living. It was a much better fit for the needs of the people. We realize that these are not pastors or seminary students such as sought our counseling training last week. These are ordinary church members attracted to a seminar on counseling because they might find some relief for their own distresses. Without Ruth's insight, I would probably have tried harder to teach better something they did not need. Better that we illustrated principles of family living with anecdotes such as the following:

Ruth was visiting our son David's family in Colorado. She sat on a sofa reading with grandsons Hunter, age 4, and Colton, age 2. At one point Hunter's foot accidentally struck out and poked Colton's leg. Colton wailed in pain. Their mom, Brenda, immediately sent Hunter to his room to think over his carelessness. Hunter went wailing down the hallway to his room. Within ten seconds he was back at the sofa earnestly embracing his brother and beseeching forgiveness. He did better than most adults know how to: "Oh, Colty, I am so sorry I hurt you. I did not mean to. You are my dear brother and I love you. I never want to hurt you again. Will you forgive me?"

Throughout this pronouncement, Colton waited soberly. When Hunter finished, Colty knew that some sort of acceptance speech was called for on his part. He braced himself then solemnly intoned, "You're welcome!"

Ruth realized that she had just learned a profound lesson about forgiveness and reconciliation. The process goes as follows: An offense is committed. The offended one expresses candid anguish. The offender considers the weight of his offense. The offender expresses (1) contrite regret to the offended one; (2) commitment not to repeat the offense; and (3) a plea for the relationship to resume. The offended one considers the sincerity of the apology. Then he forgives by letting go his right to mention the hurt again. Then he reconciles by welcoming the offender back into his life.

Forgiveness does not require the participation of the offender. The process is basically one between the offended one and God. It is a letting go of the right to retaliate. It does not require the offended one to resume normal relations with the offender.

Reconciliation requires agreement between both the offender and the offended that the offender did a wrong that must never be repeated. The offender must convince the offended that the offender has a plan by which to avoid repeating the wrong. This plan must include some power delegated to the offended one by which to prevent being further injured. Without such guarantees of future safety, the offended one is foolish to resume normal, unprotected relations with the offender.

We see applications of these principles to marital situations in which a husband has physically hit his wife. Now he wants to resume normal relations, as if nothing abnormal had happened. Instead of humbling himself in confession and repentance, he makes empty promises, like, "It won't happen again. Let's just start over with a fresh start. You call yourself a Christian. Doesn't the Bible say you should forgive me? Look, I'm sorry. I love you. Trust me." The wife is confused about what to do. A counselor helps her to recognize the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Then the counselor helps her develop the boldness to refuse to reconcile until the husband has come up with a plan for what they together can do different to prevent a recurrence of the injury in the future.

This process is described in more detail in two chapters in Dennis' book The Strong-Willed Adult. You can download it under Book Downloads, on this web site.

Dennis & Ruth Gibson, San Jose, Costa Rica

March 9, 2002

"You are not like other North Americans who come here. They act like they are above us. But you greet us, spend time with us, laugh with us, and practice our language."

The "you" was plural, meaning both Dennis and Ruth, but the comment was made to Ruth, who has done 70% of the heavy lifting in this exertion of friendship. Her manner is perfect for this godly work. Dennis was sick in bed Thursday afternoon. So Ruth taught 200 parents at a grade school near Semisud Seminary where we are staying. Standing room only! People leaning in through open windows! They loved it! She loved it!

Dennis was weak from throwing up and not eating for two days. But he received uncommon empowerment to teach three hours each evening. He also led a group therapy for twenty teachers whose leader recently fell into a scandal. While at the school, Dennis had kids clustering around him like he was the Pied Piper. All he did was wave, and smile, and say heartily, "¡Hola, niños!"

Ruth found twin four-year-old girls who reminded her of our granddaughters, Tatiana and Katia. These daughters of Semisud's cook had nothing to play with. So, Ruth sat down at a table with them and made paper boats and trees. Soon two bigger boys joined them. You could tell they were big, probably kindergarteners, because they wore backpacks on their way home from school. They quickly joined Ruth's singing of "Here is Tall Man..." and naming the fingers of each hand. She sang in English, they in Spanish. Fellowship! Soon two grown-up seminary students joined the fun. This is the woman known as "The Game Gramma" on two continents!

We have clarified that we will not be going to Cuba this May, but maybe March, 2003. The pastors there who have seen our material urgently want it for their people, but there is just not enough time between now and May for them to prepare meetings for us. So, our intention is to be at home mid-March through mid-July. Dennis wants to concentrate then on finishing the writing of his book What To Say When. His vision is to offer it in three versions: Two for church audiences, sold from our web page, one in English and one in Spanish. The third version he wants to prepare for a secular audience of mental health professionals. He wants to submit this to a major book publisher, and then to promote workshops in the USA.

We are now in Costa Rica. The time we had at Semisud in Ecuador was satisfying beyond our expectations or theirs. We eagerly wonder what future contacts we will have with some of the fine persons we met there. Their president, David Ramirez, and his pleasant and scholarly wife, Maria Fernanda, represent an uncommon team of leadership at the seminary and the chapel associated with it. David is another of those fine Haggai Institute graduates whom we are coming to respect more and more highly in many countries.

Pray now for Dennis' return to a normal tummy and appetite; for finances sufficient to cover our costs during these two weeks away from home; for our opportunities for service here in Costa Rica these coming ten days; and for more sweet miracle stories to tell you in these letters.

Dennis and Ruth Gibson, Desamparados, Costa Rica

March 2, 2002

I am looking at it now. Kind of battered, in its original packaging. "HP3300Cse color scanner." We are carrying it through Ecuador to one of our hosts in Costa Rica. Ordered it cheap online Monday from Amazon. Told them I had to have it before I left the USA Friday morning. They said UPS would deliver it Wednesday. Wednesday, no UPS. Thursday, no UPS. Half hour before airport limo arrives Friday morning, I follow Amazon's tracking number on our computer. It says "Delivery failed , item in warehouse, Addison, IL." I call UPS 800 number to connect me to Addison branch. They promise me a call back on the cell phone in my pocket, within a half hour. Limo driver arrives. Cell phone rings as I am climbing into limo. Nicole in UPS Dispatching tells me she will try to reach the driver who has my package in his truck somewhere in Wheaton. I have the limo driver wait in my driveway with Ruth and me inside, while we wait for a return call from Nicole. Wait. Wait. I try calling her number on Ruth's cell phone. Busy. My phone rings. Nicole tells me where I can meet Henry, the UPS driver. Limo driver races there. Nicole guides me to the very spot where Henry hands me my package from his truck. I sign, thank Henry, thank Nicole, thank limo driver, who heads for O'Hare.

Yes, the old magic is back. The magic that surrounds me when I go on these mission trips. The magic that I attribute to the praying that you do. Not just in the above Scanner Scam, but in the smooth trip, in meeting eleven friends in Houston, from nearby Glen Ellyn Covenant Church - en route to their mission trip in Ecuador. And now Saturday evening Ruth and I have finished teaching our first three-hour Vitality Therapy counseling training seminar to about sixty students at Seminario Ministerial Sudamerica (Semisud). Finally, Ruth has witnessed and joined one of these extraordinary events. Ruth exclaimed, "I can't believe the energy in the room as you do this!" I counseled two students on stage. Both cried. Both appreciated the experience deeply. Both got ovations from the audience.

I can almost touch the magic. I always wonder if it is going to be there. I have no way to make it come. It comes as a surprise, a gift, a visiting friend on his own time table. Jesus seemed to know this visitor's habits, too. He said, "The wind blows where and when it wants to. You hear the sound and feel the effect of it. But you don't know where it comes from or where it goes to. So it is with everyone who is born of the Holy Spirit." Ah, so we have a name for this magic! It is a person. Nothing less than the personal presence of God. And He is so gentle and good!

Dennis and Ruth Gibson, Quito, Ecuador

March 4, 2002

I married the right woman. Before we left home I worried that she might not adapt well to this trip to a foreign country, where she does not know the language, and where I thought she would be in my shadow. Well, yesterday morning, while I worked alone at the computer, the chaplain of this seminary had her come in and teach his class on church history. That's right. Ruth Gibson teaching Church History in a seminary in Ecuador!

She has no credential in the topic. She does not know the language. Unqualified, right? Don't tell her that. She did great! She agreed immediately and fearlessly to teach the class, without a minute's preparation. She spoke about the sixty-year slice of church history she does know rather well: (1) the role of Wheaton College in sending missionaries all over the world, including some who were killed in Ecuador; (2) Young Life as a creative mission to adolescents, wherein the missionaries go to where the kids are, instead of expecting that the kids will come to churches where the ministers are.

The students loved what she had to say. They asked many questions. The teacher appreciated her insights. And her energy was the talk of the campus all day.

I can picture most of our future mission trips being to seminaries in Latin America. I have already taught Christian counseling in three seminaries. The leaders of these talk with leaders of others. Many of these fine institutions do not have full time faculty to teach practical counseling skills, which all seminary students will desperately need upon graduation. Ruth and I can teach as visiting faculty, moving from one to another for one to two weeks at a time.

We preached well together in the church service here Sunday morning. We are scheduled to address thirty teachers at a nearby high school Wednesday morning. Topic = team building. Wednesday and Thursday afternoons to about 300 parents at this high school about parent-child relations. Each evening 6-9 pm we are teaching Vitality Therapy to 100+ seminary students plus faculty plus invited guests. In all of this, Ruth is alive, alert, and a dynamic contributor. And in our times alone we are having some of our best conversations ever. That is what I missed so much on my several trips alone.

Yep, I think I married the right woman.

Dennis Gibson, Semisud Seminary, Quito, Ecuador

March 5, 2002

Do you kiss babies? If you do, you know that you find favorite spots -- the cheeks, the forehead, the top of the head.

I think that God does a similar thing with Planet Earth. He holds it tenderly in His hands, like a baby. And He plants His kisses in different places. This Semisud Seminary campus, south of Quito, Ecuador, is one of those. It has been beautifully designed and constructed, in a quiet, peaceful setting. The students joke about being next door to a cemetery. They delight in confusing the words "Cemetery" and "Seminary."

I look now to my left out the window to the terrace where students are gathered in groups, talking animatedly between classes. Landscaping of lovely decorative plants surrounds this terrace. And in the midst, where it does not belong, stands a single corn stalk. Its single cob sprouts a tassel. It is so out of place. It is for food, while the plants next to it are for decoration. It will last just a few months, while they will last for years.

How did it get there? I can think of three explanations: (1) Someone planted it as a joke; (2) Someone in authority planted it there with much ceremony, as a symbol of fruitfulness and productivity that would characterize this school; (3) It was an accident. Maybe a bird flew overhead and dropped a kernel of corn.

I asked the whole student body, faculty and administration together. Nobody knew. Few of them had ever noticed it. Our conclusion was "accident." The lesson I told them was I think God has chosen not just to kiss this place. Not just to welcome the prayers of dedication that have been uttered over it. God has chosen not just to be solemn here, but also to play! What a thought! Jesus hinted at it when He said that we must become like little children to enter the kingdom of God.

This has me thinking. What does it mean for us to tolerate God's playfulness? Are there ever times when it costs us something? Are we willing that it might?

Forgive me for saying that maybe our awesome God is capable of a "corny" sense of humor.

Dennis Gibson, Quito, Ecuador

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